Apr28

True Love

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Do you remember your first love?  How excited you were to have someone you hoped would be with you forever?  If you were anything like me, you made plans for the future and then tried not to think about the little things that might not be what you were hoping – the idiosyncrasies of the other.  Not really looking at your own, but definitely seeing all of theirs.

In my mid-forties, I don’t think I’m intolerably critical anymore; I have developed past my teenage ways.  But when you think you may want to live with someone for the rest of your life, you do tend to notice things, wondering if you can “take it” for a lifetime.  Of course, once you’ve crossed that threshold into married life, you better have decided to stick it out for the long haul.

I heard once, the thing which attracts you to the person you married, more than likely, will be the thing that detracts you in later life.  For instance, you may have thought the other was hilariously funny with all their joking ways, or incredibly insightful with their “realistic” view of life.  Then come to find out the jokes were a way to avoid thinking seriously, or the realism was truly pessimism.  Then what do you do?  Give up and walk away, look past and hold fast, or recognize your own issues and grow in love toward the other.

Let’s look at TRUE LOVE  –

  • Love is patient.
  • Love is kind.
  • Love is not jealous.
  • Love does not brag.
  • Love is not arrogant.
  • Love does not act unbecomingly.
  • Love does not seek its own.
  • Love is not easily provoked.
  • Love does not take into account a wrong suffered.
  • Love does not rejoice in unrighteosness.
  • Love does rejoice with the truth.
  • Love bears all things.
  • Love believes all things.
  • Love hopes all things.
  • Love endures all things.

When I read that list…I just shut my mouth.

The “True Love” list is taken from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

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139 responses »

  1. 😆

    Well, after I posted I realized I didn’t give enough different examples, I didn’t mean to only talk of love in marriage…it was just the easiest for me to grab examples…

  3. God is good to smooth all those things that irritate, and heal all those things that hurt…without HIM I would not still be married, I have been with my Hubs for 15 years and there was a section of that time when I really thought there was no way…except for Yahweh! HE was faithful and we are so much better for the rough roads we had to experience.. God is totally for us, i think that is my hardest thing to believe, I do, but if my unbelief surfaces that will be where it is…

    i love this chapter on love…I was once shown that I could substitute God’s name in there and see HIS heart in how HE loves…very sweet to me…I want to be just like HIM when I grow up! 🙄

  4. Michelle,
    Ponder this. I love my wife so much I’m divorcing her.
    She left me a year ago.
    When I married her almost seven years ago there wasn’t much love involved – she’s 14 years younger.
    I’ve grown to think love is wanting what’s best for her and striving to bring it about. She just plain grew up while fighting her resentments of me. I’m not even sure if it is a real marriage in God’s eyes. I didn’t ask his permission – I demanded it of him.
    Much suffering for all involved including the children – daughter, 6, and son, 10, who I truly love.
    It is easier for me to relate to the father – child love of a parent than the love that’s supposed to be there between spouses.
    And it’s really hard to relate to Chapter 15 of John’s Gospel when Jesus gets to talking about loving others as yourself. It’s taken years to learn to see through “My Father’s Eyes” instead of looking at myself through my poor self-esteem.
    When you get to unconditional love, that’s when it really gets hard. Do I seek out those who I would love or do I let God do the picking and try to love and serve everyone God puts in my path?
    Let me know how your study turns out. Personally, I’ll pick David and Jonathan as the example of brotherly love with Paul and Silas a close second.
    -Sam

  5. sam- i am praying for you to know what God has to say and will do on your behalf…my personal experience is this…”fight for your marriage and your family on your knees..God will honor that fight, and ALL things are possible for HIM” feeling your heart in this…God does love you unconditionally..without end…HE is for you!

  6. Pingback: Randomonium and random thoughts « Samwrites2’s Weblog

  7. Darla – I love your comments and your desire to keep it real – you are a blessing!! 😉

    “there was no way…except for Yahweh”

    😉 Amen 🙂

  22. i do love the insight contained in the last para before the True Love List.

    As for Sam i have been just where He is (but did not have the grasp of His LOVE i do in my more mature years) and divorced my wife after making an attempt at reconciliation following a temporary separation. This reconciliation did not ‘take’ and we agreed to part – we had no children to complicate the situation and only considered our own and each other’s feelings at the time.

    Sam i can only offer the following words… there must have been some love for you to want to marry and to have two children with your partner/wife – and for her to agree to marriage and children ( not necessarily in that order 😉 ) True Love conquers all – if we allow it to rule over our own insecurities/doubts.

    If our own ego’s insist upon ruining a relationship and this cannot be overcome by BOTH parties then divorce may be the solution – i pray that it is not so in your case and that your decision to enter into marriage was not undertaken from ego more than Love.

    I hope i am wiser now than when i entered into my own.

    <B

  25. no no I like your green. heehee I LOVE green. I am decorating in shades of green in this new house. Besides, we should take turns. heehee

  28. Michelle, I saw what you said at Loves…your hubs is starting to complain. Maybe we should hook our hubs up b/c they have something in common. 😆 heehee

  30. Hmmm… i have to admit that while i am in Heaven having THREE gorgeous redheads spending time with me in cyberspace i do have ‘reservations about taking time from your real lives – they come first – but i can understand the ‘need’ for a little ‘me’ space now and then! 😉

    so do what is right always is the rule – ok? 🙂

    Thank you Brandy – i have learned SOME good lesons over the years 🙂

    <B

  31. Ahhh Michelle, I just read through this whole post (I always START posts and get distracted…this time I made it though haha) and it is SO GOOD!! And SO TRUE!! Especially your last paragraph. 😯

  32. Love you have BTDT so I would expect some wisdom from you. 😉 😀

    Don’t worry about taking from our “real lives” We are big girls…are we not Michelle? heehee 😆 Besides, this IS my me time….it just happens to be spread out throughout my day in spurts, some spurts lasting longer than others. 😆 hehe

    I do try to fill Jake in on what goes on here, but he is soooo not a people person and couldn’t really care less. 😆 He does listen though. That’s good. 😆

  33. ‘Chelle.. we’re over HERE! giggle 🙂

    Bran – i married my darling wifey when she was 18 and i was 23 – it lasted just until we bought our first home – around 2.5 years only – life changed more for her than it did for me. Not my preferred ‘choice’ but it was perhaps the best one – perhaps.

    I’m all better now though 🙂

    <B

  34. Michelle, did you check out that link I sent you?? I am in love with Phil Wickham. Seriously. 😆 hahaha!! And Jake knows it. 😆 He says: You seriously like this guy? I don’t get it, but whatever. hahahaha!!! Cracks me up.

  36. Wow, you were young, both of you. It is HARDER I think when you marry so young. *sigh*

    I was 19 and Jake was 21.

    Do you know what she is doing now? Or would you rather not know?

    My sister and her husband were 21 when they got married and have barely been married two years and keep going back and forth with divorce. And they have two littles. 😦

  38. No, haven’t yet – but I will… 😉

    Phat and I met at 18 and married at 21 – but if you read the thread, you know we’ve been married almost 25 years. 😎

  44. I’ve seen the effects of divorce – some say it’s worse than a death – ‘cuz in a death at least no one chose to go. 😦

  47. Totally – I married a minister and we were both dedicated to the Lord…comment 11 more fully describes our troubles…

    Love, do you ever want to marry again?

  48. My mom is in the middle of her second divorce. I had no idea how nasty they can get. It’s very sad.

    I told Jake “even if I absolutely hated you I think I’d rather stay married than go through a bad divorce” and then I started laughing hysterically. Sometimes my sense of humor is not so funny. 😆

  54. I was just reading your comment #11….. sounds like you guys have been through a lot. Like YOU have been through a lot. 😉

    Counseling ROCKS. SERIOUSLY.

  57. I wouldn’t be here without it – I seriously think I would have sunk so low, I might have done something stupid – God kept me safe…

  61. I was warned by EVERYONE before we got married and so many people quoted statistics about how young marriages end in divorce and so on and so on. My Aunt, God Bless her, is STILL telling me that people should NEVER marry in their twenties b/c they are too selfish.

    I literally had people coming through the drivethru coffee shop I worked at asking me when my FUNERAL was. 😯 😆

    I now know, what they were talking about. Not that I agree with them, but I see where they were worried. It is hard.

  63. Probably counseling – My God kept me and intervened through putting Christian counselors in my path – I wasn’t secure in my salvation as a teenager…didn’t come to the understanding of God’s keeping me until later in life.

  64. Michelle, I understand what you mean about the counseling. Even though we have faith, sometimes when your head isn’t right, you need that extra help to pull you back up. 😉

  65. You were young, Bran, and I was only 2 years older…I know we were meant for eachother, but is it ever easy to merge 2 lives in our self-absorbant world?

  66. Alright friends, I have to go. Moderation here. 😆 Actually, Jake rented a movie I have been wanting to see! 😀 JUNO. I am excited. Even though I wanted to go to bed an hour ago, how can I now that he went and did that for me??? 😆 Happens everytime! hahah! 😆

    Love ya Love!
    Love ya Michelle!

    You two have fun and don’t say anything I wouldn’t say. 😯 hahahaha!!

  67. Marry in Haste – repent at leisure! 😉 ( funny to some – sad reminder for others i guess) ?

    Bran – i think it is important that we learn to talk to and listen to our other ‘half’ – many things in life are hard but a good marriage is a blessing to you both. 🙂

  70. I just love you two to pieces! 😀

    Seriously now, I’m going. Stop pulling my arm. That hurts. 😆

    Let GO of my hair! I need to go spend some time with aforementioned husband now. 😆 heehee

    HAHAHAHAHA!! 😆

  75. i do tend to be aware of how easy it is for others to gain personal information out of the internet – but if you promise not to tell anyone – i am in my 7x7th year currently 🙂

  78. We’re not so far apart then – I’ll be 46 in a few days – I should know better, Phat’s already had his identity stolen twice!!

  79. I am VERY aware of the responsibility Marriage places upon TWO people and while i hope one day to find someone with whom i can grow together and offer love that i have to give to – i am considering Jesus! Hmmm.. that might make a good blog name – ya think? 🙂

  87. I think the subject is heavy – life changing and serious – I don’t have much fluff, if ever – but it’s more to my temperament…we are who we are.

  90. Phat’s ready to sleep – I better put the laptop away – I’ve loved the exchange!!

    You have a wonderful day, Love!! Catch some waves – or is it too chilly??

  94. another day then ( for the Math) Please do not disrupt your real life for this ‘fake’ one 😉 and it is chilly and i don’t actually Surf – :shock; unAussie i know – Sleep Well and Hug that comic guy – ok? 😉

  106. I’m so slow – I usually move at a snail’s pace – y’all’s quick exchanges and fast fingers are intimidating 😉

  114. Yes!!! And if you accept the multiplication analogy – because spirtually God’s love multiplies – is infinite – so…

    1x1x1=1 Doesn’t it? 3 distinct persons in 1?

  117. It’s been much fun!! I’m always bringing up the rear – I’m used to being slow – others just aren’t familiar with my pace…sorry!!

  121. Sam – I’ve been praying this sits well with you…my heart is to share my struggle. Granted, I have never experienced divorce, but I have seen it and understand the pain involved, in as much as I can, as a sister…

    “And it’s really hard to relate to Chapter 15 of John’s Gospel when Jesus gets to talking about loving others as yourself. It’s taken years to learn to see through “My Father’s Eyes” instead of looking at myself through my poor self-esteem.
    When you get to unconditional love, that’s when it really gets hard.”

    Amen, Sam. I assume you read through the last post and comment thread – I’ve had much of the same fight (self-esteem issues)…I still struggle. Nothing I write about comes easily for me.

    I was explaining to one of my sons, last evening, about two becoming one. He is sure he is in love, but she has moved away. He is the believer and she wants to believe but feels so terribly about her sin, she won’t believe it’s all as simple as a free gift. He has done a beautiful job of telling her the truth and showing her love – not perfect – he’s still a teenager…anyway…I don’t know where the illustration came from (I have an inkling 😉 ) but I explained:

    1×1=1 (1 whole person x 1 whole person = 1 whole marriage)

    Two separate individuals combining to become one whole unit…

    I had a huge hole in me that needed filling – not the God-hole – I was a Christian very early in life, but had an issue with liking myself due to shame from things I could not control. My husband has had his own issues as well – don’t we all? I recognized my need to be ‘whole’ when a teenager and sought help for poor self-esteem. I’ve never been one to shun Christian psychologists/psychiatrists – Christian being the operative word.

    I would not consider myself a complete separate (as in whole – psychologically) individual at 21, when we were married – I could suck the energy out of any friend with all my needs. Our marriage was more like:

    .75 x 1 = .75 (me sucking the life out of it)

    I have benefitted from years of counseling, I’ve needed it, shame can cause one to not think clearly. I also began studying God’s word in-depth in my mid-twenties and, with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I have become a better spouse, not perfect, just better…

    Phat (my husband 😆 ) didn’t need to grow much in his role as a husband – he has always seen his role as a servant leader – self-sacrificing as Christ loves the Church – giving His all for her. Phat has given to me sacrificially and has treated me as ‘fine china’ – the weaker vessel – he honors and cherishes me and lives in understanding with me…that’s a very high call. He gave MORE for years – I still think he gives more…

    I would say we began our marriage as two emotionally deprived, immature young adults, but we were madly in love with God and eachother…so we have weathered the storms – many turbulent, terrifying storms – together. We have somehow beat the odds, but it hasn’t been easy…

    I imagine it would have been much easier if we had grown more healthy and well-balanced before marriage (the reason for the illustration with my son – trying to keep him from some heartache). However, you know the verse, it’s better to marry than burn – we needed to get married!! 😯

    I have no idea if I’ve given any insights that might be helpful…I will pray for your situation and hope for His power to work in and through you, to appropriate the love He has placed within you through the Holy Spirit, to her and your children, amen. When one leaves another, and you know you’ve done all through God’s Spirit He has asked of you….

  122. my gosh. i feel like i just walked into a private chat room! 😯 doesn’t ANYONE sleep around here???

    Michelle: just wanted to say that everysingletime i read that passage i think: this is impossible. this is SO not humanly possible. was Paul talking about how WE are supposed to act? or how LOVE is supposed to act if we are loving? how do we recognize love? it looks like the list.

  123. Good morning, Mandy, it was another late night – but then my clock is still running on Greenwich Mean Time – need to change it to Texas time!! 😉

    “this is SO not humanly possible”

    Amen, only through the indwelling Holy Spirit do we even come close to this way of loving…I believe it is a list (a definition) of what love looks like. I think we can run our attitudes against it and recognize if we have behaved in a loving manner. My main point is to say, no one can keep this list perfectly, so everytime someone has offended us, maybe we should take a look at ourselves and see how we may have contributed to the unlovely interchange…

    Paul does exhort the Thessalonians to “excel still more” in loving one another…1Thess. 4:9-10.

  124. I agree with you above Michelle. The Love List is a good sounding board to check back with. And often a better place to start maybe before you might encounter a not so pleasant situation with another.

    And WOW – did you all have a great time yesterday or what??!?!?!

    Now THAT was love!!!

    Complete strangers sharpening another, letting down our “guard”, sharing fellowship.

    This was a blast to read through!

    Morning Beautiful! (that’s you Michelle 😉

  125. You are too kind, Tam. I’ve seen your whole face…and bits of your heart…you’re the beautiful one! 😉

    It was great fun last night – only wish the world were smaller and we could all sit around in a nice comfy lodge, in front of a fireplace, with plenty of fresh, hot coffee and share!!! Heaven will be awesome…

  127. This is a beautiful post Michelle….My love of life and I will be celebrating 13 years next month…..wonderful….I consider him my first and last….everything before him, well….I just can’t remember… 😆 Thank you for sharing your wisdom on my blog….and yes, you are beautiful girl!!!!

  129. OK I’m 😳

    oozing it?? Lovely… 😆

    Debs – I love all the meat you keep serving up – Thanks!! 😉

    Tam – Thanks for all the fun – EVERYDAY – how do you do it? I know, you’re just too 😎

  130. I’m not cool really. ok. maybe a little. definitely humble.

    Ya know. I’m actually a deep person too. I’ve lived on both sides of the extreme. I think God has given me the ability to see good and humor in things. I want to share that with others. I love making people smile. Smiles and laughter unite. I’ve always felt that with people I can sit and laugh with, I will listen to and get deep with as well. It draws me in. I feel safe.

    Humor and light heartedness has opened many doors for ministering opportunities. Many ongoing where healing is taking place.

    There is a time for everything. I am finally learning that. I am becoming more and more comfortable in my skin and how God has made me.

    One Body – Many Parts. Each doing our part!

  132. You are deep, Tam, I enjoy your insights and your light heartedness…I looked it up, it is definitely a word. 😉

    You use humor the way my husband does and it certainly does draw people in. He has a very deep side as well, I just like to give him a hard time. I’m not nearly as pessimistic as I was in my youth – PTL! I’m very glad we all are a part of the same body.

    Have you ever done a study on temperaments? I see you as a Sanguine/Melancholy…only the melancholy part because of your artsy side, not at all in the depressing sense, but definitely sanguine, being the life of the party and loads of fun. I’m a Melancholy/Choleric which can be quite depressive and demanding…perfectionistic. Not at all an easy personality to deal with.

    The Spirit-Controlled Temperament helps to explain much of the thinking…and the whole point of trying to understand myself better is to recognize when my weaknesses surface, when the evil one is shooting fiery darts at my buttons, so I can pray specifically and gain self-control. Someone with your positive, humorous outlook on life probably does not struggle as much with self-esteem issues or seeing the fun in life – it’s awesome and an outlook I covet (don’t tell Love).

    See…
    Heart´ed`ness
    n. 1. Earnestness; sincerity; heartiness. 😀

    One Body – Many Parts!!!

  133. Mandy, none of us sleep around here. 😯 😆 haha!!

    Miiiiiicheeeeeelle! How are ya lady? 😉

    Wish I could chit chat tonight but I actually have to sleep tonight….. so MANDY..I guess we do sleep, sometimes. 😉

    And yes, I agree with Tam, you ooze. Big time. 😆 😉

  134. Rest UP Bran! – we need more sleep than we get – Mothers doubly so!

    Spirit-Controlled Temperament – i LOVE thatn Michelle! 🙂 it is an invaluable Goal and i believe one we can all attain if we learn how to build up the Spiritual Body within us (Letting Jesus take the reins there!)

    I agree that I Cor 13 describes His Love (Charity!) but i don’t agree it is impossible for humans to adopt ( What would Mandy know – she’s so young!) 😉 – it is the ‘Reason’ we are all alive – however each one of us, in growing our body and mind, have made this ’cause’ very difficult to be all that is in us today – in that sense it is so not ‘human’ – the humans we all were and some still are, perhaps only in part?

    We ALL Have that Love inside each and every one of us – it is more a matter of throwing away the dross we built up around it! 🙂

    Michelle…’But COVET earnestly the best gifts: and yet show I unto you a more excellent way’. I Cor 12:31

    You don’t think you can hide anything from love do you??? 😉

    Love ALways Finds a Way!

    And Both You and Tam are more beautiful than you know – just don’t go geting big headed about it 😉

    Keep Oozing!

    <B

  135. I had to give it up early last night – too many late nights in a row…

    Glad you got your sleep, Bran, although reading Tam’s blog tells me you didn’t go straight to bed. 😉

    Yes, Love, Mandy’s young, should we be talking about her when she’s not here?

    I DO get to covet love…that’s good…and to know we OWE everyone the debt of love is another way of looking at this very high call. 😀

  136. I think Mandy would love to know we thought of her when she wasn’t here. haha 😆

    Michelle, you caught me. I never seem to go STRAIGHT anywhere when I am on this thing. haha!

    I feel great today though. I went to bed around 12:30….stinkin’ Owen and his jolly self, he wasn’t tired AT ALL…. and I got up at 6:45 but I feel great. I wonder if I was sleeping too late????? 😕 hmmm…..

    ====

    I often feel the “high call” of Love when I least want to feel it, know what I mean? When I am feeling angry or hateful or just irritated, somehow God always brings me back to “I LOVE THEM” so that means I should too huh? 😉

  138. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling great – I don’t know how anyone does it on just six hours, especially with three little boys!!

    Seeing other people through God’s eyes…kinda brings me up short sometimes. With three teenagers I’m getting lots of practice these days…just wait, Bran, you’ll be dealing with it in about 12 short years. Enjoy every minute of your little “stinkers” b/c before you know it they get real smelly and you just have to hold your nose and keep loving!! 😳 😆

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