Rescue Us All

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Do not love the world or the things in the world… the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life.

You want to take a headlong dive into destruction?

Sow seeds of destruction and reap the devastation.

I sure wish I didn’t know what that looks like.  I sure wish I had continued to walk the path of righteousness, even when the lust of the flesh appeared better than my temporary circumstances.  I sure wish I had seen the devastation before I went sowing lustful seeds.

The real problem: I did see.

I had read The Word.

I knew what it said about the rewards of sowing to the wind.  You will reap the whirlwind.  You WILL.

And now… on this side of the whirlwind…?  Not much remains of my former life.

Only by His grace do I still live.  I’ve contemplated suicide quite a lot over the past five years.  And, again, this past weekend.

You see, I have known my spiritual gifts are teaching and prophecy.  And I spent much of my life teaching, speaking forth The Truth of God’s Word.  Then, the hard tests of faith became so. much. harder.  I closed the Book.  I told myself I knew enough of what it said… the pit of depression had become so dark, I wouldn’t see the light right beside me… on the nightstand.

Either I forgot the warnings, or didn’t think they’d truly happen to me.

And now, another stands on the precipice… and he’s closing his eyes!

The questions haunt me once again:

What did I do?

Where did it start?

Why can’t he hear?

Who is this precious baby?

Where did he go?

Why God?

WHY?

My heart cries out to a deaf ear…

No.

No.

NO!

HE is NOT deaf.  He hears.  He has spoken.

Will he listen?

Oh, God, please don’t let him close The Book.  Don’t let him forget what he’s learned.  Speak boldly to his heart and mind.  Don’t let him turn away!!  Hold him fast.  Let him stand on the Rock.  Don’t let him sink into the muck of sin, the mire of filth.

Please, God,

Rescue my son!

Rescue us ALL.

Do not love the world nor the things in the world.
If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
For all that is in the world,
the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life,
is not from the Father, but is from the world.
The world is passing away, and also its lusts;
but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

~I John 2:15-17

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11 responses »

  1. Dear God save us all. David was a man after God’s own heart and struggled as you did. Remember this! The pain of losing our children – spiritually or physically – is excruciating. All I can do is pray for you. God has not forgotten you!

  2. Michelle,Some one needs to say the hard things to you so here I go….. get up off the bed,wash your face, leave the house, rejoin a bible study with flesh and blood people instead of faceless names on the computer.Think of someone else who is struggling .You have dwelt on your problems too long. Being self-absorbed has got to stop.Get out and DO something for someone else.Deny yourself for awhile.Maybe you will feel better.Many are worse off than you.

    My response

  3. Cathy, Have you been where Michelle is? Because you don’t sound like a person who has been there. Your advice is good for someone having a pity party, but horrifically oversimplified for someone who has multiple, legitimate life-altering crises. We would like to be able to wash all this off our faces, and just walk out the door, but it doesn’t always work that way.

  4. Cathy,

    I don’t know you but as a sister in Christ, I am sad for you as there seems to be much bitterness in your tone which can’t possibly be a peaceful place to reside in. I pray God would soften your heart with compassion and love for the hurting. This includes yourself because we’re all severely wounded living in an imperfect world with imperfect people, and from my experience people who don’t have compassion and love for others, most often don’t have it for themselves. Another tragic place to reside in.

    In direct response to your comment:

    1. Michelle doesn’t need to get up off the bed until and unless *she* chooses to.
    2. She doesn’t need to wash her face until and unless *she* chooses to.
    3. She doesn’t need to leave her house until and unless *she* chooses to.
    4. She doesn’t need to rejoin a Bible study with “flesh and blood” people instead of “faceless” names on the computer {Btw I very much have flesh and blood that hugged Michelle tightly last Summer, it’s just that my flesh and blood happens to be livin’ in Michigan not Texas. Oh and if you compare the icons next to our comments, I don’t seem to be the faceless one!}.
    5. She thinks of plenty of people who are struggling and helps them regularly {I just happen to be one of many!}.
    6.You {or any other human being for that matter} don’t determine the timeline behind her grief, God, the Owner of time and the Author and Finisher of our faith, does.
    7. She is not self-absorbed in fact she is one of the most selfless, giving people I have known in my 31 years of living.
    8. See #5
    9. Only God is able and willing to make her {and you and me and everyone else} “feel better.”
    10. No one is worse off than anybody else. Every single one of us has our own unique story, our own unique path, our own unique pain, our own unique healing process, our own unique walk with Christ. God is not a respecter of persons so He does not measure whose circumstances is more worthy of His attention, comfort, and healing.

    With more grace than these words could possibly carry…

  5. Hey ladies… I just wanted to formally say, thanks for your input:

    Cathy: I did respond on your second comment. I also provided a link at the end of your comment on this thread…hopefully, answering your question will help in understanding my objectives for writing.

    Becky: “multiple legitimate life-altering crises” Ugh. That’s the truth of the matter. Thank you for recognizing this… I sure miss hanging out… Earl Grey doesn’t taste as good without you.

    Ayla: Gracious, Sweet Defender. I appreciate your heart for me… Hopefully, we’ll get to see one another soon.

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