It took me a year to admit what I had done to my family.
I admitted it to God, to my counselor, to a couple of close friends, but my family had no idea what had caused me to retreat further into myself.
The tension in the home, needless to say, was intense. Finally, after thinking I might go crazy, I asked my husband if we could separate. I needed time alone to think. I needed to have a place where the constant stress of life wasn’t felt. After living in my self-imposed desert, I needed an oasis to begin to rehydrate so my mind would clear.
I needed to think clearly…to hear from God…
And now, Phat knew why I felt the need to leave. I confessed to committing adultery, but I wasn’t willing to end the friendship. It took another five months of being alone to come to a place of submission to God’s will. Many sleepless nights with demons screaming into my mind, I tried to see through the fog.
Today, I am so thankful for the truth of God’s word,
“He will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on Him.”
I knew many evil things could happen.
I knew my mind was under attack from the enemy.
I knew my world was falling away faster than I ever imagined it could.
He is El Shaddai, our All-Sufficient God.
In the darkest moments I cried out to Him and He heard my plea.
He showed me His sufficiency, His sustaining grace that will never end.
I truly could’ve lost my mind in those dark days. I know how close to the edge I came. Yet, He would not leave me alone for His promises are true. His Word will be accomplished and He declares He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. For His Name’s sake He will answer in the day of trouble. He is my God and He came to my rescue.
Even though I lost my husband as a consequence of the sin I had committed, I did not lose my God…
It’s not my righteousness, but His, that endures.
It’s not my will, but His, that is accomplished.
It’s not my peace, but His, that will keep me…perfectly.
.He restores my strength
He leads me down the right paths
For the sake of His reputation.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.
Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.
If you do this, you will experience God’s peace,
which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.
His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.