Are You in Denial?


“Nothing will deteriorate a relationship faster than denial.”

I found that quote in a book concerning disabilities.  It hit me right between the eyes.  I took the truth of it into my situation, forgetting all about the focus of the book.  I asked myself these questions:

Do I have relationships that have deteriorated? 
How have I been in denial concerning them? 
Or, have they been in denial…?

Denial deteriorates our relationships.

Denial — the refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings.

Self-protection gone amuck. 
A refusal to grant the truth of a statement. 
To contradict.

Denial destroys relationship.

I can see places in my own life where denial has ruined relationship. 

A refusal from me to acknowledge a painful reality. 
A refusal from him to acknowledge my feelings. 
A refusal from you to hear my thoughts…or vice versa…
A refusal to see truth from another’s perspective.

To choose not to hear another, because what I’m saying is more important.
To protect myself from others.
To NOT admit my own sin which has affected you.

A refusal to sacrifice my “rights” for yours.

“I refuse to see the situation as you see it.”

What does that do to the relationship?
It stops it.
It brings it up short.

Either, you must see for the both of you,
Or choose to overlook the other’s dismissal of you.
In either case you have denial — more lies — with which to deal.

I’ve learned through Celebrate Recovery to “own my stuff.”
I try not to put-off on others what I have done.
And, I try not to accept responsibility for what others have done to me.

It’s very hard, but necessary, to be honest with myself.

I desire to live in truth — not lies — any longer.

How ’bout you?

Get honest.
Purpose to see the truth.
Refuse to live in denial.

It will only kill relationship.

‘Fess up.

But exhort one another each day, as long as it is called “Today,” that none of you may become hardened by sin’s deception.  ~Hebrews 3:13

May Your ear be attentive and Your eyes be open to hear the prayer of Your servant that I am praying to You today throughout both day and night on behalf of Your servants…I am confessing the sins…that we have committed against You – both I myself and my family have sinned.  ~Nehemiah 1:6

When an individual becomes guilty with regard to one of these things (a past sin, even done in ignorance, which the individual has realized) he must confess how he has sinned.  ~Leviticus 5:5 (italics mine)

The one who covers his transgressions will not prosper but whoever confesses them and forsakes them will find mercy.  ~Proverbs 28:13

So confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed. ~James 5:16

Above all keep your love for one another fervent,
because love covers a multitude of sins. 
~1 Peter 4:8

8 responses »

  1. This is beautiful! i love this..truth..we all too often live in denial of something. When all God has called us to is to live in denial of ourselves, and pick up our cross and follow Him. As people we really do make it harder on ourselves to just not look truth in the face…and get on with it.

    Love you so much!

  2. Thank you, D. I know it’s a hard road to walk, but so much easier when God walks with us…continually reaffirming His love ♥ 🙂

    Hey, Darla! I’m in need of knowing He really does love me and will never leave me, and I’m feeling that truth through you. Thank you for being a steadfast friend. 😀 I love you!

  3. Thanks for the post.

    In my experience, denial is more lethal and more stealth than it is given credit for. Yet we all come accross it so naturally. It is our flinch away from pain. Why wouldn’t we?

    Yet it is also a flinch away from honesty… and away from effective communication. It can be so subtle, we run the risk of never seeing it. Our subconscious has no wish to. It will make excuses around whatever issue we are avoiding.

    The best antidote is facing the painful reality of what we are denying… and losing all options other than facing the truth. It hurts, but it is usually the best thing for us. It is the beginning of the end of the problem.



  4. You’ve said it well, Chaz:

    …it is also a flinch away from honesty… and away from effective communication. It can be so subtle, we run the risk of never seeing it. Our subconscious has no wish to. It will make excuses around whatever issue we are avoiding.

    I’ve found when I start to rationalize, I need to stop and ask myself what I’m trying to hide. It’s not pretty to see about one’s self, but so much better than living in a false reality. Thank you for commenting.

  5. No problem Michelle…. I only comment from a place of experience. And dialogues help the lights come on brighter and brighter. Denial is a habit that is so quietly woven into our patterns of thought and behaviour, it is a lifelong journey unwinding it and keeping it unwound. I find I need to be ever vigilant.

    Ciao… Chaz

  6. The conversation makes all the difference. Most times, what happens in the comment thread is much more helpful than any post.

    I’m learning the insidious ways of denial. For myself, I’ve needed to believe I was “good” and did not recognize my ability to fall. To see my depravity, up close and personal…ugh. To be ever vigilant… Yes, Chaz…thanks.

  7. “Insidious” describes denial well. It is sneaky and powerful. Personal growth is difficult if we don’t expose this one and deal with it. In my experience anyway.

    Ciao…. Chaz

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