Come Saturday Morning

Standard

The TV…always on…never shuts up. 
Commercials are irritating. 

The fan whirs.  It clicks with each cycle. 
Why is the airconditioning running so long…is it already triple digits outside?

Why do I clench my teeth constantly?  Could be the meds, but I remember being a teeth grinder as a kid…maybe that’s part of the reason for these constant headaches.  Some days it’s impossible to get my head off the pillow.  Could be that midnight swim.  Maybe I’m overdoing the exercise, but I want to get rid of this flab.  Fifty is just around the corner and it’s scaring me!  I wonder when, or if, I’ll ever be satisfied with me…you know, that being comfortable in your own skin…some people seem so peaceful with themselves…

The counselor says to stop thinking about Phat.  He’s moved on…this is the way he’s chosen to deal with his pain.  He’s hurting. 

Now…how am I supposed to quit thinking about that? 
I did it.  I hurt him. 
I’m so sorry I destroyed his dreams.

The tears hurt and burn my nose.

Deep breaths…

Please God, help me see.  I want to see clearly. 
Help me bring the glory, if there is any in this situation, to You.

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9 responses »

  1. Love you. Praying for you. Proud of you for taking a step towards sharing your truth; God promises that it’ll set us free. Here for you XO

  2. Thinking of you tonight, Michelle, and what you are dealing with. I don’t know the story behind this, but I know He does and He cares and He loves and heals. So, I’m praying for all of that and more . . .for His peace to cover you and fill you, right where you are.
    love in Him,
    deb

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