Growing Pains

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I found a new gem…for me:  Dazzling Wings

She writes about abuse and the freeing life she has found in Christ.  I find her thoughts honest and transparent, and, often, she has expressed my exact feelings.  I’m still learning how to recover from many abuses and the shame that can overwhelm.  If you need help, as well, check out Tanya T. Warrington at Dazzling Wings.  She has lots of good things to share.  Here’s a poem she wrote that puts words to my most recent journey:

Mind Control

I was cold;
You said I was not.
I was frightened;
You said I couldn’t be.
I was angry;
You said I must be tired.

My emotions had no room,
No floor.
They were wrong,
Always wrong

I learned to doubt myself,
To assume I must be mistaken.
Feelings were wrong and so were banished,
Shoved into an invisible box, hidden deep inside

I walked in numbness
Wasting years
Before God awakened me,
Helping me to new life

But learning to trust myself
Is a slow journey,
Believing in myself a lofty pinnacle,
Accepting what my senses tell me,
Another slow lesson

I walk in life,
Trying and failing,
Experiencing and shutting down,
Rejoicing at freedom,
Chaffing at old habits,
And fighting old thoughts

You, you’d say I was crazy
That I made up my past,
But I know better now.
You’re in denial and I won’t join you–
Not any more,
Not ever again!

~Tanya T. Warrington

Another gem: www.brokenbelievers.com

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7 responses »

  1. Wow. That was deep and like Brother Ric said, all too familiar. I wonder how many Christians truly understand that our brokeness is what God needs in order to put us back together; that our ‘failures’ are necessary for us to truly experience God’s unfailing grace and mercy; that we don’t have a testimony without the test. Sigh. It’s a challenging truth but I am thankful for the hope we have in Jesus in spite of the pain. Praying for you always. Love ya!

  2. A very insightful, and instructive, poem Michelle. It could describe the first 18 years of my life.

    One aspect of depression is that we lose control of our minds. Faith can help take control back, and give us the confidence to persevere when we feel we are losing control again.

  3. we don’t have a testimony without the test”
    Amen, Gch! What a good word…we seem to think the testimony is all about how easy God made life for us…how He took all the loose ends and packaged us up into a beautiful gift for all to see. Not. Paul wore the brandmarks of being a bondservant. And nine of the twelve died a martyr’s death. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble, but do not be afraid, I have overcome the world.” We get so caught up in the “now” of life, when real life starts after the grave.

    Love you, Gch!!

    Hey, Ed! I agree that faith can bring us back. One verse that says it so well for me:

    “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” ~Phil. 4:6-7

    I started following the “prescript” of that verse, and have yet to lose my mind completely to the depression that so easily comes. I do have a deep abiding peace that “He will make all things right if I surrender to His will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him, forever, in the next.” ~Reinhold Niebuhr

    I always look forward to your comments, Ed. Thanks for continuing to come around. 🙂

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