Does Denial Work?

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“Pain deferred is pain redoubled.”Β 
~Anonymous

Do you think this is true?

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20 responses »

  1. It has been true in my life, with people who cause pain and I pretend they don’t. It always doubles.

    It just did again yesterday. I’m good at deferring πŸ™‚

  2. Did Jesus deni the pain of the crossv

    Did Paul deni his sufferin?

    Paul considered his pain and suffering pure joy, because he knew he suffered for the truth of Christ.

    We don’t like pain, and we must find the same joy Paul did knowing that our suffering and pain will lead to God’s glory.

    Not saying we have to like the pain bu we do have understaid God’s plan to make us stronger through it.

    The verse escapes me where Paul says “Consider it pure Joy”. I will find it and come back.

    Peace and Love

  3. No wonder I could’t remember where Paul said “consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, beacause it was James.

    James 1:2-4.

    Pain is a trial that can not be deniled (sorry couldn’t help it… ;). )

  4. Pro 13:12 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but [when] the desire cometh, [it is] a tree of life.

    i am thinking that the person who is quoted is getting his thinking from this verse.

    Even in pain of any kind, we are to have a hope in Christ that will rise us above it..but hope deferred…causes more pain.

  5. Generally, I would agree. Pain deferred grow. However, the connotation is that is a bad thing, which I would not necessarily agree with. Crushing and overwhelming pain is crushing and overwhelming, whether halved, doubled, or squared. If we’re not in a situation to be crushed, deferral is a viable option… sometime the only viable option given the alternative.

  6. Hey, Gitz. I’m sorry you are feeling the pain from deferring. I am good at deferring, also. I hope I’m finding that it always seems to catch up to me, so I might as well feel it as it comes, deal with it and hopefully grow from it. “Time heals all wounds”…they say…I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Time can make some wounds fester if they weren’t properly cleaned in the first place. I’m praying for you, dear friend.

    Good morning, Carl. Paul may not have said the exact words as James, but he surely did express the same thoughts in Philippians, don’tcha think? “It has been granted to me to suffer for the sake of Christ…Rejoice! And again I say, Rejoice!…” As I understand Philippians, it is about enduring through the suffering with an attitude of joy. (Did you read my post, “I am Second”…???…just asking since it was for Philter 48.)

    I want to understand the need for pain, for hurt, so I can better understand why He had to suffer…it was for sin He died. Sin causes pain. We hurt because of this sin-sick world…our own…and others. To deny the pain is to not seek forgiveness…it seems…?

    Hey, Darla! SO GOOD TO SEE YOUR AVATAR TODAY!!! You have been GREATLY missed. I hope you know that!

    “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a longing fulfilled is like a tree of life.”

    I like the way that Proverb puts it. The longing being fulfilled may not happen this side of heaven, but to HOPE is what keeps us going. Thanks for the scripture to remind us of where our minds should be…on Christ…eyes fixed, eh?

    I understand what you’re saying, Ric. At one point in time, as a child enduring sexual abuse, I disassociated. In my worst memories I can only see from the ceiling, looking down, an “out-of-body” experience. Somehow my mind could not come to grips that I was actually in the situation. I know that now…forty plus years later. Yes, there are times, for survival sake, we may not be able to “see” what’s happening. At that point in time, it was not a bad thing. I wonder if it was a cushion, a God-given barrier to keep me from a place of insanity. I don’t know. I guess heaven will reveal all those things…in safety…in assurance of love and acceptance…something we don’t always get here. πŸ˜•

  7. I have learned through the years – now I confront. I Hate pain – especially doubled. I am not mean but you won’t walk way leaving me with pain. Can’t speak for the other person.

  8. Wow, Papa. Maybe it takes years to learn how to deal well with people and ourselves. I don’t want to be mean in my confrontations. Sometimes it takes me a while to come to a place of loving confrontation. But we are to be about the “ministry of reconciliation,” aren’t we?

    Hey, Nor. Simple and true.

  9. Hmmm….

    Hi ‘Sis – How’s this…?

    The purpose of human pain is to make us aware there is ‘something wrong’ – that we have been ‘wounded’ somehow or are suffering an injury to our good health
    .
    To push the pain away without understanding the pain is likely to ‘redouble’ our pain at some point down the track.

    As a child our parents are supposed to ‘know better’ and do things to treat the wound, not the pain itself – even if it adds to the immediate pain… they know a small amount of pain now (like being stitched for a cut) can stop more pain later.

    But when our parents are actually the ones causing us pain as in Ric and perhaps in your case – that is another story all together.

    If we as a child have no-one to help us deal with such pain then perhaps pain must be ‘deferred’ and ‘dealt with’ as soon as we are capable of dealing correctly with the ‘wound’ ( not the pain).

    The longer we leave it – the harder it may be to ‘treat’ that wound as there will be much ‘scar tissue’ – like a bone that was broken and ‘healed’ bad because it was not properly put in a splint.

    Such a wound can still cause us pain long after a ‘good’ quick ‘fix’ may have solved our broken bone that gave such immediate pain.

    In such a case it may be necessary to ‘open’ the wound/break again so that it can be healed/properly mended and the pain reduced and possibly ‘cured’.

    Any questions so far?

    can you ‘move forward’ any with this info? πŸ™‚

    <B

  10. I totally agree, Love. This is what I’m learning, I hope: Pain is necessary.

    I grew up wondering why it couldn’t all be perfect. Living with two perfectionists, it seemed we were always about “fixing” things. Improvement was the name of the game. I love improvement, but sometimes it doesn’t teach contentment, you know?

    “Better Homes and Gardens” is a magazine here in the States. What’s wrong with just “Homes and Gardens”…?…why does everything have to be “better?” I wonder if it’s just an American thing. I don’t recall, while living in England, people constantly working to gain more, to get more…

    I think I’ve gone off in a direction I didn’t intend. I don’t mean for this to be about materialism…more the angst of not being comfortable.

    I think I’ve believed a lie that life should be fair.
    Who said?
    Life is not fair and it’s not easy.
    Life is filled with pain.
    And we need to seek God…
    …in all things.

    I hope I’m moving forward, Love. πŸ˜• Thanks!

  11. Better Homes and Gardens is a TV show and magazine here in Aus also. I think there is a growing feeling of what you described in England now – especially in their youth ( I have regular contact with the ‘Mother Country’ and see it being increasingly evidenced as ties with America through TV and political attitudes are increased).

    One of our Former Prime Minister’s here in Aus is famous for saying ( at a time of economic cutbacks in the seventies while an elite still profited from everyone else’s sacrifices) that:

    Life was not meant to be easy!

    He’s retired now on a large annual pension courtesy of the tax-payers and has free travel to anywhere on earth for life.

    But as you said.. the idea here is more of personal ‘discomfort’ than materialism which i find is a great source of injustices and personal ‘pain’.

    So to re-align with your original post…

    A little personal Pain to ensure our personal ‘gain’ πŸ™‚
    (Corollary to no Pain – no Gain)

    Problems may arise when the degree of pain we experience/endure may exceed our immediate capacity to adequately deal with and gain from – when we become overwhelmed by it’s intensity or persistence. Then perhaps it is necessary to ‘defer’ the pain, or some portion of it?

    Pain can be like a bus… you have none and feel very comfortable staying in one spot for a while… then three come along all at once and try to take you in three directions at once. We can’t deal with that very well. πŸ™‚

    <B

  12. “Pain can be like a bus…try(ing) to take you in three directions at once.”

    I’ve had that kind of pain. It was…is…necessary to give one’s self space and time to deal with pain at that level. Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves in the middle of pain. My counselor has continued to tell me to be kind to myself. I have a tendency to beat myself up, expecting perfectly calm and safe reactions.

    That’s not always possible. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to scream (Well, not at people, but at least into your pillow…?) It’s okay to be angry that so much pain exists.

    Someday…He will make all things new.

  13. i am extremely Thankul and grateful i do not have to endure such pain – or the kind Ric has inside – personally.

    β€œAnd he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for [my] power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
    10 Wherefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in injuries, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ`s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. β€œ

    2 Cor 12:9-10

    May He help make you ‘new’ Sis.

    <B.

  14. yes, I do think so. And even though I don’t know how to answer questions of the magnitude of yours and Ric’s pain – I think things grow. Just like trees. It’s easy to pluck a sprout from the soil. A little bit harder to pull up a tiny sapling. Darn near impossible, and requiring LOTS of work to take down (and dig up the roots??) a full grown tree. So .. yeah.

  15. Yeah. 😐

    I’m learning the Serenity Prayer, Sparkle…the part that isn’t frequently quoted:

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    Taking, as He did, this sinful world
    as it is, not as I would have it;
    Trusting that He will make all things right
    if I surrender to His Will;
    That I may be reasonably happy in this life

    and supremely happy with Him
    Forever in the next.
    Amen.
    –Reinhold Niebuhr

    Yeah, that bold part is the bit I need to understand more fully.

  16. I like the tree analogy Annie. Although for traumatic pain, I guess it begins a a full-fledged tree. Still it would be (relatively speaking) easier to address it sooner rather than waiting for the forest.

    Michelle your comment reveals much. I, like you, became adept at disassociation… in real time. When physical and sexual abuse became commonplace in our home, I somehow accepted these events as normal. Father gets up from the table after a shouting match with my sister. He walks toward her with fist raised. Mommy gets up to step between them, screaming at her husband. I continue eating his peas. I was such a good boy.

  17. Hey, Ric. Yeah, it is quite revealing. Sometimes I say too much.

    I wasn’t such a good girl. I let the stuff go on around me and found comfort in other ways…not healthy ways.

    Learning to cope…filling a legitimate need, illegitimately…

    …unlearning the lies…

    I’m glad God is big enough for all of this, because at times like these, I feel smaller than small.

    “…accepting hardships as a pathway to peace…”

  18. Wow, Michaela, I’m glad you posted the rest of that prayer. I’d never heard it before. That prayer is really something. Wow.

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