A word of clarification: At this point in time (2013), now divorced from the man I describe here, I feel a need to explain the inconsistency of this post. In the best way he knew, Phat cherished me. And, in the best way I knew, I worked to see all his giving as good. Now I see things a bit differently. Yes, he did a wonderful job taking care of me. He always provided well, and I am thankful for his sacrificial giving. However, underlying currents of feeling insignificant and many issues from childhood abuse skewed what we felt was good. Life is so much more complicated than we see on the surface. Giving is good, and in that way, I had a good marriage. But, obviously, something evil was lying under the surface. With that said, please don’t take this post to be “a lie.” It is not. It’s the perspective I was trying hard to keep…at a time I needed to be looking much deeper.
A good book to help clarify: Beyond Ordinary by Justin and Trisha Davis
For all you men out there, married or single, wondering how to treat your woman, or any woman, for that matter…
I am a cherished woman.
My husband has determined to live in a manner which is contrary to this world’s thinking. He does not live for self, but for me…and his children…but, it all started with me.
I know this is an unusual thing to say or hear these days, but it is a biblical thought.
Phat began to understand “servant leadership” as a young college student. I’m not really sure if he learned it on his own, or as a result of a class while studying to be a minister. However he learned it, it stuck! As long as I have known him, he has determined to follow Jesus’ example of servant leadership.
He washes others’ feet, in the workplace, and he washes my feet, at home. Every. Day.
Scripture tells us women are “fine china,” not everyday pottery. Women are described as the “weaker vessel,”* a description not many women want to hear.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. ~1 Peter 3:7, NKJV
The word “vessel” is used for many household goods as in a jar, or a piece of pottery. Obviously, a weaker jar would be one which needed to be handled carefully.
I don’t have a problem with this description, as many women do. Although I know, in many aspects, I may be strong. In comparison to my husband’s abilities, I am weak. He was created to be the stronger one. A man’s physique bears witness to this truth. Women may be physically strong, but a man is stronger still. Traditionally the man is the protector and provider of the home.
Phat has taken this command seriously. Through his study of scripture, along with good and bad role-models he’s witnessed, Phat has learned to cherish me — to honor me with his life. I’ve always known his steadfast, sacrificial love. And I’m amazed at the amount of women who are not treated with such respect. I am equally appalled at the men who do not understand this command to love, honor, and cherish, the one given to them by God.
What has happened to this teaching? Why is it so hard to implement? Do you believe this is the way we are to live with one another? How would this look if you could see it?
*weaker — asthenes — 1) weak, infirm, feeble
*vessel — skeuos — …b) household goods, a container,…a jar…5) a husband and wife, 1Pe. 3:7; of the wife, probably, 1Th. 4:4; while the exhortation to each one “to possess himself of his own vessel in sanctification and honor” is regarded by some as referring to the believer’s body [cp. Ro. 6:13; 1Co. 9:27; see No. (4)], the view that the “vessel” signifies the wife, and that the reference is to the sanctified maintenance of the married state, is supported by the facts that in 1Pe. 3:7 the same word time, “honor,” is used with regard to the wife; again in Heb. 13:4, timios, “honorable” (RV, “in honor”) is used in regard to marriage; further, the preceding command in 1Th. 4 is against fornication, and the succeeding one ( 1Th. 4:6) is against adultery. In Ru. 4:10, Sept., ktaomai, “to possess,” is used of a wife.