I was asked a question recently. My answer disturbed me.
“How do you feel at this age?”
Actually, that’s a paraphrase but it’s basically the same question. And as I stated, I was disturbed by my answer. I desire honesty, and vulnerability has always been a quality I admire. So I will say now . . .
I am familiar with depression. It is a part of my make-up. I can’t really tell you if it’s nurture or nature, but it is what it is. It’s definitely there.
My mind and my body do not cooperate with my spirit. I am physically and mentally broken. I know my soul is redeemed and I can feel my spirit being renewed in my innermost being. I rejoice in the Lord and delight in my God. The truth of Him keeps me above the difficulties in my life.
Every day? Every moment? Yes and no. I always KNOW I am His. I don’t question that. But am I basically a positive person? No. I am pessimistic and, at times, can be a defeatist. But you know, I am strongest when I am weak.
When I realize my weaknesses and take them to the Lord, He strengthens me day after day after day after day . . .
My soul is alive. My spirit soars. He keeps me above the torrent of fear. He allows me to enter into His presence and completely gets me. My Savior has passed through the heavenlies and understands everything I endure. Everything. He’s not shocked by my admission of defeat. You see, He glories in it.
When I am weak then He is strong. He lifts up my head. He restores my soul.
He is everything to me.
He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. ~2 Corinthians 12:10-11
This song gets it said as well: Through the Darkest Night