He is Everything to Me

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I was asked a question recently.  My answer disturbed me.

“How do you feel at this age?”

Actually, that’s a paraphrase but it’s basically the same question.   And as I stated, I was disturbed by my answer.  I desire honesty, and vulnerability has always been a quality I admire.  So I will say now . . .

I am familiar with depression.  It is a part of my make-up.  I can’t really tell you if it’s nurture or nature, but it is what it is.  It’s definitely there.

My mind and my body do not cooperate with my spirit.  I am physically and mentally broken.  I know my soul is redeemed and I can feel my spirit being renewed in my innermost being.  I rejoice in the Lord and delight in my God.  The truth of Him keeps me above the difficulties in my life.

Every day?  Every moment?  Yes and no.  I always KNOW I am His.  I don’t question that.  But am I basically a positive person?  No.  I am pessimistic and, at times, can be a defeatist.  But you know, I am strongest when I am weak.

Honestly.

When I realize my weaknesses and take them to the Lord, He strengthens me day after day after day after day . . .

My soul is alive.  My spirit soars.  He keeps me above the torrent of fear.  He allows me to enter into His presence and completely gets me.  My Savior has passed through the heavenlies and understands everything I endure.  Everything.  He’s not shocked by my admission of defeat.  You see, He glories in it.

When I am weak then He is strong.  He lifts up my head.  He restores my soul.

He is everything to me.

He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.  ~2 Corinthians 12:10-11

This song gets it said as well:  Through the Darkest Night

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24 responses »

  1. This is really really good. I understand a LOT of what you are saying here. A LOT.

    Depression is with me every day. Every night when I take my medication I am reminded that I have a huge weakness that I cannot control. Yes medication helps me, but without Gods spirit in me, I would find it hard to be okay with not being perfect. 😉

    This was a great post. 🙂

  2. I’m so glad it spoke to you, Brandy. I thought about you as I was writing. I’m OK with not being perfect — most days. It’s getting easier to admit the more my imperfections can’t be hidden anymore. Gotta be real!

    Thanks.

  3. I’ve struggled with depression my entire life… starting in my childhood. I guess it is something I will always deal with, although I wish it weren’t. I’m once again on medication after trying without it the past summer. Having lived through some very deep and dark times, I’d rather take the meds. than go that far down again.

    Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be ‘normal’, although I figure heaven will be depression free.

    I only make it through because of my relationship with Christ. I’m strong in my weakness, knowing where my real strength comes from. People tell me I’m a strong person, but I don’t feel that way at all. I really think they are seeing God at work inside my life.

  4. SOme great spiritual giants battled with the same..for example Charles Spurgeon…and the insights and writings were incredible, God used his time to be still to write things that would encourage and direct us in God’s word for today.

    Always praying for you..love you Princess!

  5. I love it, Heidi

    “People tell me I’m a strong person, but I don’t feel that way at all. I really think they are seeing God at work inside my life.”

    Amen. I wish we lived closer together. We would be very dear friends, I believe. I was a bit afraid to post this…to be SO open…but like I said, I admire vulnerability. And understanding when others struggle helps me to feel more normal.

    Thanks, Darla. I’m glad you mentioned Charles Spurgeon. I tend to think of David, Jeremiah, Ezekiel and Paul. It does help. Those who believe all our struggles end when we accept Christ are not teaching the whole of scripture.

    You’re in my prayers every day!

  6. I am so grateful that depression doesn’t seem to be part of my physical makeup, but my mom struggles with it and medication is just a must for her. I’m the youngest so dealt with a lot of it alone when she was bad and everyone else was already out of the house. You’re right that I don’t think it can be one or the other. When she’s not taking her meds, it’s bad. But when she’s not working on herself and her faith in other ways, the meds aren’t enough. Personally, I don’t think God would want people to not take meds and say it’s because He should be enough. I think He would want people to follow every avenue to health and happiness so they can be well enough to hear his voice and feel his healing.

    Just like you and I may need meds for our illnesses, we still have to do our physical therapy and work on our emotional and spiritual selves. They all work together rather than it being one or the other. That’s my normal. Taking a pill for depression is Heidi’s normal. There just is no universal “normal” that everyone seeks. It doesn’t exist.

  7. Okay so I have read the post and the comments. Seems like we are all in agreement. Depression sucks!!! But I also see that we are all in agreement that it is a reality that we all deal with. My personal opinion is that everyone deals with depression to some degrees. Some deal with it better than others but still the fact remains. depression is a reality that we all deal with.

    Personally I do not have an answer for the struggle but what I have found is that when I try to deal with todays challenges today I feel better.

    God’s grace makes all the difference. To many times we try to deal with tomorrows problems with today’s meassure and that never works. So if I can some how find away to have hope for tommorrow I can fight off the depression monster.

    I like your post. Appreciate your honesty. I think I am going to blog on the subject. You inspired me.

    Hang in there. Jesus changed the entire history of humanity in 3 days. Just imagine what he can do for you in 3 days.

    DaRonn

  8. Michelle, this is an absolutely wonderful post. By being so open, you’ve spoken to those who suffer with depression in a way that is very powerful, and the comments above bear testimony to that.

  9. Thank you, Sara, for sharing what you did. Medication is a must for many of us. I struggled for the longest over taking meds, especially being told is was not the “Christian” thing to do. What!?!? Is it wrong for a diabetic to take insulin? When chemicals are missing in the brain which helps one to think straight and then others judge because you need the help — it’s crazy-making to say the least.

    “There just is no universal “normal” that everyone seeks. It doesn’t exist.”

    When will we get that?!?! Thanks again, Sara.

    Hey, DaRonn! I agree that we all deal with it to some degree or another. Some to the degree that without medication suicide looks darn good. It’s a necessity for some of us to take the medication available. I like what you said about living in the moment. I’m learning to do that and it makes a huge difference. Thanks for joining the conversation. I look forward to reading your post.

    I’m glad to see something brought you out of hiding, Alan. Are you still down under? Thanks for the encouraging words. You never know who you might scare away with a post like this.

  10. i go through spurts of quick depression. and it usually isnt even based on circumstances. things can be going “well” but i suddenly feel “down”. its weird. i usually just try to have some quiet time.

    so i agree with DaRonn – we all deal with it. some more than others.

    but michelle – even when i can tell you are “down” you always inspire and speak truth into people. i love that about you. thank you!

  11. Michelle- have you read David Jeremiah, “when your world falls down” I think that is the name, I haven’t read it yet but someone mentioned it to me, and some of what she was telling me sounded like you could have written it…LOL that is how my brain works..just wondered if you did and what you thought of it??

  12. Thanks, TammyJo. You’re a sweetheart. I am so thankful we don’t all suffer at the same degree. What a miserable world it would be. We really do need eachother to bear one another’s burdens.

    No, Darla, I haven’t read his book. This is the first I’ve heard of it — sounds like one I might enjoy. Thanks for mentioning it.

    Hope you ladies are having a great weekend!

    Blessings.

  13. Hi Michelle. 🙂 The scripture you shared is perfect.

    I have read a parenting book by David Jeremiah something about treasures – his style is warm and soothing. But what says more than his words on the page is his life that is comes from. A real person.

  14. He is everything. Absolutely everything. When we are weak He is strong. He restores our soul. Amen. Thinking of you and praying for you …

  15. “You never know who you might scare away with a post like this.”

    On the other hand, by being so open and vulnerable, you’re allowing the ones who aren’t scared away to love you better because of knowing you better. (Does that make sense?)

    I’m hoping to come out of hiding properly when I get back to the UK. This trip has been more stressful than I’d expected.

  16. I like what you say about honesty, because when we are real with God, when we face the feelings etc, then He is real with us and then as you say, ‘My soul is alive. My spirit soars.’ This is it – well put!

    By the way I came across this site today. It may be of some interest?

    http://www.depressionhelp.org.uk/

  17. I loved reading this Michelle. Just your honesty and rawness, but what came through most is God’s grace and the hope you have with Him. The comfort of knowing He is there and that He fully understands. I relate :), especially at the moment. Love you and thanks for this.

  18. Thanks, Annie. Love you.

    Hey, Alan. Thanks for the encouraging words. Coming out of hiding is a bit scary. I’ve found visiting relatives to be some of my most stressful moments. I think we really do need eachother, all of the body.

    Thank you, Jon. I get so much help from your blog — Senior Eagle Finds His Wings (on the blogroll for those wondering). I will check out the link.

    Hey, Birgit. It’s good to see your face — It’s been a while. I find it difficult to speak too freely about some aspects of my life, but when I do open up more, I’m amazed at how many people are in a similar boat. The help available in bearing one another’s burdens is underrated by most Christians. We seem to feel we must “put on a happy face” when we truly need to mourn with those who mourn. There is a season for everything under the sun…

    Love All Y’all! Thanks for the support, every one.

  19. Sorry I raised the age question, Michelle. However, I suspect you’re doing better at your current age than I am.

  20. I’m not sorry at all, Poet. It helped me to get some things thought through and hopefully I’ll move forward. The only difference between you and me is Jesus. I know where to go for forgiveness and when I confess my sins to Him, He is faithful and just and cleanses me. I can live forgiven.

  21. I hope it was helpful, Brandy. “Those days” are all too frequent for me.

    How is the family?

    Loved chatting, Brandy! You’re a sweetie. ♥ U.

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