I am not disciplined. I hate to admit it, but it’s true. I was at one time in my life, throughout my school years I could set goals and meet them. I knew the requirements and reveled in fulfilling them. Then, I quit. I don’t know what happened, somewhere after having children I became more laid back. Well,…I do know what happened…I burned out.
I had such an unrealistic picture of what a Christian mom “should” be. I would be the perfect mom with the perfect home, a full hot meal on the table at six o’clock each evening after having homeschooled my children most of the day. Our homeschooling activities were to be the most creative and enlightening I could find, with us galavanting around the city to take advantage of all cultural events. We were to be involved in all activities the homeschool community planned and be active members at our local church. I was to continue teaching Bible studies, Sunday school, Children’s church and sing in the choir. My home was to remain spotless for we would have a tight chore chart to effectively move us through the day with our house intact. Saturdays we would joyfully work in the yard, together, to create the most lovely park setting for our domestic enjoyment…
Needless to say, somewhere between the second and third pregnancy, I could not keep up. My body quit.
I was devastated and knew I must have sinned against God in some way, I just couldn’t figure out what I had done. Some things came to mind, so I went around asking forgiveness of anyone I thought I had offended, just in case. I wrestled with God, but I didn’t get better…
That was fourteen years ago and now I know, I have an illness that may have been with me since high school. I recently went to the neurologist for another round of tests and he determined I needed to begin physical therapy (this is where the discipline comes in). I have not been able to keep up, so in an effort to deny my need for perfection, the pendulum has swung the other way, and I don’t get much done. I let things pile up from a lack of strength…or discipline…or motivation…or whatever.
So now I’m in therapy. I must get out the door three days a week and go work with a therapist to strengthen what is weak — my whole body! She has me doing the simplest movements, almost laughable, and I’m breaking a sweat!! Discipline…therapy…not joyful for the moment, but afterwards…it yields fruit.
Do you know where I’m going with this? That’s right…Hebrews 12:3-13
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feeet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. (verses 11-13)
Dealing with those who are weak, God does what He must to strengthen us. He disciplines us. At times it can feel like scourging (v.6) but He does it for our good, so that we may share in His holiness. (v.10)